This is a motherfucking NFT website.

Seriously, what the fuck else do you want?

You probably mint NFTs and think your shit is special. You think your 13 megabyte animated SVG with generative traits is going to get you some fucking rare status. You think your 40-pound JavaScript library and on-chain p5.js sketch give your token a boner because it finally has interactivity. Wrong, motherfucker. Let me describe your perfect-ass NFT website:

• Shit's lightweight and loads instantly
• Fits on all your shitty screens
• Looks the same in all your shitty wallets
• The motherfucker's viewable by every asshole that owns the token
• Shit's legible and gets your fucking point across (without 5MB of off-chain IPFS bullshit)

Well guess what, motherfucker:

You. Are. Over-complicating. Look at this shit. It's a motherfucking HTML page embedded directly in the NFT metadata. Why the fuck do you need to link to external animation_url when you can have the whole goddamn thing on-chain? You spent hours optimizing gas and added 80 kilobytes of base64-encoded crap, but some motherfucker viewing it on a slow connection will still love the simplicity. Blind people might not see the visuals, but they sure as hell won't miss your over-engineered garbage either.

You never knew it, but this is your perfect NFT. Here's why.

It's fucking lightweight

This entire page fits comfortably in on-chain metadata. Did you seriously bloat your contract with unnecessary traits just to animate a div? You loaded a whole webfont just to say "GM" in 100px? You piece of shit.

It's responsive

You dumbass. You thought you needed complex SVGs to be "generative," but no. This renders perfectly on any motherfucking device – from desktop wallets to mobile browsers.

It fucking works

Look at this shit. You can read it... if you can read, motherfucker. It has hierarchy. It's pure HTML5 so every browser knows what the fuck it is. That's semantics, motherfucker.

It has content right there on the screen. Your NFT has three traits and a link to OpenSea, spread over unnecessary complexity.

Cross-platform compatibility? View this motherfucker in any wallet. I fucking dare you.

This is an NFT website. Look at it. You've never seen one this pure before.

Like the man who's never gone raw has no idea what true simplicity is, you have no fucking idea what a real on-chain NFT feels like. All you've seen are bloated, off-chain bastardizations. This is naked, immutable HTML. Look at it. It's fucking beautiful.

Yes, this is fucking satire, you fuck

I'm not actually saying your fancy generative art should look like this. What I'm saying is that all the problems we have with NFTs are ones we create ourselves. NFTs aren't broken by default – they can be functional, lightweight, and truly immutable. You break them with bloat. You son-of-a-bitch.

"Good design is as little design as possible."
- some German motherfucker